11.11.08

Making a decision will change our future……..
Decision is being made from several of choice…
Decision that I made is that right or wrong?
I also don’t know…..
Is that worth for making choice like that?
My friend told me many people have changed…
Even herself………
But is change from good to bad….
She is trying to control the changes…..
I ask u whether it is so easy to control.....
you say if you think you can control, everything will be under control.......
Remember last time I say time will make someone change…..
But you say not the time change…..
Is the person change themselves……
When people face different situation…..
They will make them suit with the situation……
World is so realistic……..
If you didn’t change, you cannot survive…….
You say from our conversation, you feel that I have changed……
But even myself, I also don’t know what I have changed…..
Another friend told me, don’t be so kind in UK….
People who come UK to work is selfish and realistic……..
I have doubt on friendship that I always insist of……
I have been at UK for 5 months……
My visa expired date is April 2010…….
One year……I know everyone will change include myself………
When the date I am back…….I also not sure friendship will sustain forever……
Friends from primary school, secondary school, diploma, advanced diploma until in UK time….
Curricular activity friend like libraries, community sociology….
How many people that I still having contact with?
When come out to work, also know new friends…..
But working life is hard to find friends……
As working life is realistic…..
Everyone has two faces……..
The current place that I working now also have people likes that……
Start from Form 3, I come out to work…..
Still remember the first job I worked is at Bata near Sogo there…….
15 people worked in one shop….just have 4 Chinese….
Other is Malay….
I always tell myself, do my own things….
Don’t go and care other things else………
After SPM exam, I worked as general clerk……
My senior always told me, can’t be too real when come to work……
You will be hurt without notice……….
Diploma time I worked at Sogo….
My supervisor also told me the same theory……..
Until now, come to UK to work…
My friend told me the same theory again…..must be two faces….
That why I look at friendship so heavy…
I will treat friend very good when I found a real friend in school……
This is the principal I look at friendship…….
My friend told me……don’t be so serious on friendship…..
Look it on normal heart……
I realize this theory…..
in the end, the person who being hurt will be myself……
Realize this theory doesn’t mean really can give up with the principal I always hold it to……..
I also don’t know start from when…..I felt that I have closed my heart…….
I dont willing to get hurt again.........
the feeling is damm bad.......
But I know many friends also treat me good…….
I feel this especially when came to UK….
I told my friend…..
I am lazy and tired to maintain friendship now……..
I also don’t know why………
The hardest thing to return is 人情债........
Stay at UK alone….
You need friend, need helps……
Who can I call when I really need help?
Even find a friend chat also hard.....
When UK time to sleep is Malaysia time to wake up......
maybe this is a new challenge that I am facing now.....
let me to look at friendship.....
let me to look at myself.......
Be independent………..